Three Months Without School

號角月報加拿大版 二零二五年九月

“I didn’t go to school because of mental health issues,” he said. “I didn’t even understand my own emotions—I just didn’t want to go. That period felt strange. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, didn’t want to do homework, and didn’t want to do anything. I had no interest in anything.”

Danny explained that both his absence from school and his tendency to sleep in class were linked to anxiety. “I was always anxious at night, which led to insomnia. Then I’d be exhausted the next morning. I also didn’t like the school system—it didn’t offer subjects I was interested in. I love psychology, but my school didn’t offer it. Instead, I had to take chemistry and other courses I had no interest in. The school lives in its own world and doesn’t face reality. I was really disappointed. I didn’t even bother telling the school—it would’ve been a waste of time.”

Although he had some interest in biology, Danny admitted he struggled with concentration and his grades were poor. During those months at home, he spent most of his time playing video games or sleeping.

“She took the initiative to help me,” Danny said. “I didn’t have to walk to school anymore—just get ready and head out the door. She wanted me to focus on my future, and for now, the most important step was graduating. If I could do that, it would be enough.”

Although he still wasn’t interested in school, having someone step in gave him the push he needed. “Finding motivation is really hard. I couldn’t see the point of going to school, and high school itself isn’t easy—it’s a tough journey. But when family and friends encourage you, you realize you’re not walking alone. There are people who care about you. That gave me the strength to grit my teeth and walk this difficult path. Even if it’s something I don’t want to do, I force myself—for the sake of my future.”

Before the semester ended, Danny returned to school and successfully completed his final credit.

Reflecting on his journey, Danny sees it as a collective effort. “The school social worker encouraged me to go back and helped me set goals. But it still took Ms. Lai’s initiative to drive me to school, and my family’s support, for me to actually return. My view of school hasn’t really changed—but finishing was enough.”

Danny acknowledged that many people hold negative opinions about students who refuse to attend school. Even his own family didn’t understand him at first. “There were a lot of things about school that disappointed me. I couldn’t sleep at night because I kept wondering why I didn’t want to go. At first, my mom thought I was just being lazy. She didn’t realize I was trying hard to work through my problems. It wasn’t until I graduated that she finally understood—that everyone needs time to grow. If someone understands how I feel, it makes things easier. Everyone grows at their own pace. Just because something is easy for one person doesn’t mean it’s the same for someone else. Not everything is that simple.”

To students still struggling with school, Danny offers encouragement from his own journey: “Never give up. Take the initiative to seek help. You’re not alone—there will always be someone willing to support you.”

Though he admits he wasn’t fully engaged during his high school years, Danny still sees meaning in the experience. “After going through all of this,” he says, “I believe I’ll become a great social worker in the future.”

More than a decade ago, Danny’s mother immigrated to Canada from Hong Kong with her three sons. Danny, the second child, was just over five years old at the time. Since then, she has been the sole breadwinner, working tirelessly to support the family.

Signs of Danny’s disengagement from school began to surface as early as Grade 6. “He and another classmate would wander the streets. By Grade 8, during the pandemic, he was sleeping all day and skipping online classes. His teachers kept calling. Grade 9 was no different—no one could get through to him,” she said, using a Cantonese phrase meaning “no one could handle him.” “I worked during the day and simply didn’t have time to keep him in check. He often told me I was neglecting him.”

She described the emotional toll: “Sometimes I was angry—I’d lose control and yell at him. Other times I’d speak gently and try to reason with him. I tried everything, but nothing worked. Eventually, I had to talk to friends just to let my emotions out. That was the only way I could feel a little better.”

Danny once told his mother he didn’t like school or homework because the pressure was too much. “When he saw everyone else graduating while he still hadn’t, it really affected him. Gaming became a way to escape reality. But when he returned to the real world, he couldn’t adjust. He felt like he couldn’t do anything, and that made him even more depressed. It was like falling into a black hole—and pulling him out took tremendous effort. But the most important thing was that he had to wake up on his own and be willing to climb out.”

“Sometimes Danny couldn’t get out of bed because he’d been gaming,” his mother recalled. “He’d slowly get ready afterward, and Ms. Lai patiently waited for him.”

Reflecting on the challenge of children refusing to go to school, Danny’s mother offered her perspective as someone who’s lived through it. “Many Chinese parents tend to criticize and scold their kids—I was like that too. But really, we should talk to them more and criticize less. Encourage them to do things together. Don’t let them be too idle at home, or they’ll spend all their time gaming. Even doing a bit of housework can help them feel useful.”

“Danny’s mom has to leave for work at 8 a.m. and couldn’t take him to his 9:30 class. Since I don’t start work until 11, I said to Danny, ‘Why don’t I take you to school instead?’”

For more than a month, Ms. Lai drove Danny to school every day. Sometimes, he would only get out of bed and start getting ready after she arrived, but she waited patiently. She reminded herself constantly: “No criticism, no blame.”

She explained that this approach came from a counseling course she once took: “The first principle of counseling is empathy—‘putting yourself in someone else’s shoes’ to understand what they’re going through. Sometimes Danny came out very late and felt bad for making me late too. I would tell him, ‘It’s okay—I believe you’ll do better tomorrow.’ And when we arrived at school, I’d say, ‘Thank you, Danny, for bringing yourself to school. Keep it up!’ I wanted to acknowledge his effort and let him know it was being seen.”

Having worked as a teacher in Hong Kong and later in schools across Toronto, Ms. Lai understands the high expectations many Chinese parents place on their children. But she believes empathy is just as important. “When a child refuses to go to school, we need to look for the reasons behind it. Everyone’s path has ups and downs. When problems arise, parents should stand beside their children to face and overcome them—not side with the problem and fight against the child.”

Ms. Lai sees everything she does as part of a mission from God. “Life has its highs and lows. When I was struggling, someone reached out and helped me. Now I want to do the same for others. It’s like what the Bible says—giving a cup of cold water to someone who is thirsty.

‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ (Matthew 25:40) I believe it’s God who moves me to act.”

Danny agreed to be interviewed largely because of Ms. Lai’s encouragement. “By returning to school, he was able to earn his credits. Now he’s moving on to college and working part-time. We’re all so proud of him! I hope he can share how he took his first step, then his second and third—so that his positive experience can inspire others. That’s what it means to touch lives with your own.”

Shirley Chan