During this challenging journey of marriage, we experienced countless moments of pain, struggles, and despair. Thanks to God's intervention through a marriage retreat, our marriage transformed from the cold depths to rekindling our initial love, from brokenness to rebuilding and repair, and we found hope and trust in each other again. Without God's miraculous work, no one could have saved this nearly irreparable relationship.
Cracks in Marriage, Pain Turned to Quarrels
Our marriage was filled with challenges from the beginning. Due to differences in our views on life, family, and children, we often quarreled. My husband wanted to settle in Canada first, while I, remaining in our home country, wanted him by my side during childbirth because I felt scared without him.What's even more painful is that after I gave birth to the child in my home country, my husband hid the birth and didn’t register it in the records, resulting in me discovering after going abroad that I couldn’t bring the child out anytime. As a law-abiding person, I couldn’t even mention my child's existence to others, which exhausted me mentally. At that time, while working in a kindergarten, I was taking care of other people's children who were the same age as my own child every day. What tore me apart was the fact that I didn't dare to share that I had a child of my own. The longing for my child turned into unspeakable pain, leading to countless quarrels and accusations. To my husband, I was unreasonable, constantly making trouble, and the communication between us nearly broke down, weakening our marriage.
Intense In-law Conflicts: The Child Pays the Price
Three years later, after pleading with a congressman, I was finally able to bring our child to Canada. However, our relationship didn’t improve with our child's arrival. Instead, due to cultural and ideological differences, conflicts with my mother-in-law intensified. Reunion turned into battles over everything from food and clothing, escalating to the point of calling the police and making suicide threats, making our child the greatest victim of our disputes. During times when I needed my husband's understanding and comfort the most, he offered no substantial support. All I saw was him lowering his head, smoking, and remaining silent.
Feeling deeply lonely and helpless, I lived daily in endless quarrels and pressure. My husband did nothing to help, and I repeatedly wanted to escape the marriage, succumbing to bitterness and rage. I caused much harm to my husband and child, escalating our fights to physical confrontations. The court even issued a restraining order against my husband. Seeing him behind bars, I fell into self-blame. In this endless cycle, my husband, overwhelmed by stress, turned to gambling, worsening our financial situation and leading to more debts.
Seeing Light in Despair: Almighty God Made a Way
Each quarrel, misunderstanding, and indifference deepened my despair, leading to severe depression. Discovering that my husband had accrued substantial tax debts requiring our house as collateral broke me completely. The intense insecurity of fearing that my children and I would end up on the streets left me unable to focus on work, caused my hair to suddenly turn white, and led to weight loss.
When life seemed plunged into deep darkness, God led us through loving brothers and sisters to attend a marriage retreat organized by the Chinese Family For Christ. Despite work, time, and childcare constraints, God made a way. Even when Satan tried to block us—our youngest daughter needed to be at school by 6:30 a.m. for a city competition, my mother had to care for a premature sister, and I couldn’t submit our registration forms—God cleared every obstacle through friends. On the way to the retreat, we were still blank-minded, with no hope, thinking our marriage was beyond saving. However, miracles happened during the retreat...
Soften the Hardened Heart, Tears of Confession and Repentance
At the beginning of the retreat, we were rebellious, proud, and resistant. Despite sitting together, we leaned away from each other, avoiding eye contact and ignoring the leading couple. We didn’t participate initially; however, God's power is irresistible and immeasurable. During group exercises, we saw reflections of our past in young couples and began to share, hoping they wouldn’t repeat our mistakes. Gradually, we opened our hearts, letting the Holy Spirit work within. God led us to confess and repent to each other, softening our once hard hearts. We tearfully renewed our marriage vows before God.
The retreat's courses taught us to face ourselves and our spouses honestly, acknowledge each other's hurts, let go of resentment with a "love deposit", and understand each other's feelings and needs. Most importantly, we learned to entrust our hearts to God, humble ourselves, listen to each other, and rely on God's strength to mend broken relationships. Through sharing, listening, and practical exercises, we gradually let go of years of grievances and defenses and began to regain our initial love.
No Longer Cold and Blameful, but Loving and Supportive
I deeply feel God's unconditional love and forgiveness. He made me see my inner hardness and evasion. My husband also deeply reflected, realizing his responsibilities in marriage, acknowledging past neglect and mistakes. We confessed to each other and renewed our vows. The retreat taught us complete forgiveness and how to start anew.
Thanks to God for restoring our relationship, we are no longer cold and blameful but loving, understanding, and supportive. My husband took on more responsibilities, determined not to avoid problems but to face family and financial challenges actively. We rebuilt effective communication and trust, feeling each other's genuine care again. I emerged from deep depression, regaining hope in life, and daily making "love deposits" into each other's accounts, appreciating each other's efforts in little things and immediately expressing gratitude and love. Although there are still challenges and difficulties at this moment, we are no longer fighting alone. With God at the center, we support each other through prayer, walking hand in hand to face each day ahead together.
A New Beginning, Reconciliation with God
Thanks to God, this painful journey led us to marriage restoration and blessings, most importantly to reconciliation with God. My husband began returning to church, praying often, and comforting me with Bible verses. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." (Ephesians 5:25-28). These words remind us that marriage is not just a relationship between two people but a responsibility and mission from God.From the cold depths to rebirth, from brokenness to restoration, we found love and trust anew. We are willing to let go of our past selves and share our marital struggles, for we have tasted the incredibly beautiful and sweet love. May our experience bless you, and may God's name be glorified!
He Ling
